HOLD ON ONE MOMENT. Is this you trying to tell me that one day I'm actually going to die? That I shall wither and perish in futility and slip away from the mortal coil to elevate myself to a higher plane and frolic in the heavenly fields with vestial virgins?
Well, okay, the last bit sounds alright, but the whole dying thing sounds very very unpleasant to me. Therefore, it is only prudent that I state my six most prominent worldly desires to the world to enable me to see if anyone could, you know, give me a hand with them or something.
1) Travel to Japan
. Have you been? I haven't. Japan is a fascinating place and besides which, I promised my lovely young friend (who just turned 20, bless her heart) that I would get there and see her. It's just a big promise. A promise that means not just the world but several solar systems to me. Sweet young Yukako-chan, soon enough we'll be eating ramen and laughing and joking and generally having an awful lot of fun.
2) Perfect my goatee. Facial hair is a finnicky business and I know I can never call myself a true pioneer of the revival of the Beat Generation unless I have a really, really, REALLY good goatee. Thinly trimmed, neatly encircling the mouth, tickly for whomsoever might want to kiss me. Hey! Some people do, you know. Don't knock it.
3) Publish my life's work. Okay, technically I'm publishing online a lot, but....you know....that's not my life's work. My life's work is the tale of a duo of teenagers growing into adults over the course of several years in a sapient and peripatetic magical kingdom. Other prominent characters include a time travelling duck, thespian sorcerer who wears only purple and a heavily armed marooned alien life form with big ears and a ratty tail. If you are a publisher, why do you keep sending me "No thank yous"? Has it occurred to you that you should actually, you know, read what I write instead of give it a glance and move on to the next? I know you people are busy, but DAMN.
4) Play Spore
. I have no guarantee that the game Spore, by genius Will Wright
, will actually come out before I die, so I'm putting it as one of my wishes just to make sure. It's really going to be devillishly good, you know.
5) Live, even briefly, in New Zealand
or somewhere similar. Notice how little New Zealand features in the news? As in, like, crimes, heinous disasters, etc.? Surely if you're going to live anywhere it should be an island nation of beautiful people with pleasant accents and where hardly anything majorly bad ever happens, no?
6) Live long enough to see advanced robotics
come to fruition. I want to live in a world where robots and androids mingle seamlessly with our own kind in obedience and harmony. Eventually they'd advance to the point of people ending up with robot wives or robot husbands and such; cue controversy; but at the end of the day robots make things like space travel, medicine and having a conversation with someone who will always agree with you much easier.
Incidentally, the real Blog O' Beatnuki (TM) can be found beatnuki.livejournal.com